When Last time I cried?

*This is a personal post of writer to treasure an unusual moment of his life (unusual because this thing has not happened in his life since memory).Writer wants to pen it down but he is very bad in keeping paper hence keeping it in electronic storage, this post content boring unrelated stuff with no flow, so please be informed before reading, If you still decide to read it then please don’t blame me.

4th Feb 2014, 5:30 AM, The whole atmosphere was chilly, it seems Kashmir has shifted to Bihar for the morning, it was unusual cold February morning (night was even more pathetic), few drop of warm water was rolling on my cheeks, first time in my life I came to know that tears are warm (and a bit salty too), occasion was my niece marriage , she was going to her in-laws place and during those last moments when she came to me, tears roll down from my eyes. For the circumstances it is natural but for me it is quite strange. I think I am very tough emotionally ,I have left my parents at the age of 7, but that time also I didn’t cried, than in my entire upbringing I have never felt like crying (though my life is full of hard moments) then why that time. Let’s get into flash back…………………………..

I have just arrived from a long holiday from north-east (9 days, considering I work in manufacturing that’s a long leave). I got a call from my elder sister that my niece is getting married next month, I felt happy for the instance but suddenly mind start calculating, just now I have taken a leave and again a 5 days leave next month will add honey of enmity in relationship between me and my boss (which is already very sweet) and mind started working an idea. Suddenly it flashed in my mind one of my very good friend’s marriage dates are clashing with the same. The current market scenario helps me making a decision that I will skip my niece marriage. I done an one to one comparison, I am in constant touch with my friend whereas I use to talk to my niece hardly once in a month or so, but as marriage date approaches I was feeling something different, It seems I was willing to attend that but need one outside push for the same, few time I checked tickets also but getting another life is easy than getting a train ticket for Bihar. Suddenly one day my father called me and given that push, in form of a father's order and than a buyer inside me suddenly awakes and tickets are arranged (from an alternate route) .Then begins the worst part, train journey. I am still unable to understand how come a train which stated on time can be delayed by 17 hours in a 15h20 min journey but then The Great Indian railway can do wonders and make every impossible thing possible. Finally after using 2-3 mode of transport I reach the place, at 3rd Feb morning…

 3rd Feb Morning, When I arrived after meeting few relatives I headed towards my niece, she was seating in a room and crying with my sis, I as per my style went to her and make few jokes on her in-laws and finally she give up and smiled, she was happy that I finally came. Some time you don’t know that distance on earth does not decide the closeness of heart, neither a too much of communication can bring people close. I realize it then. About my niece Annie ….. She is almost of my age( 1.75 years younger than me), I think that itself brings a bond which I never noticed(if someone ask me I will still say I am more close to my nephew Sunny because he was with me for 2 years, we shared room).Even my other niece Anshu seems close since she is a frequent visitor in my house and communication is more with Anshu, with Annie in childhood, I shared good repo, but after shifting to Delhi, initially, I hardly talk to her once in quarter or even semi annually, after her graduation and my collage we have talked more since she needs advise on career and I have supported her in few things. She use to come to me when in need of advice and it formed a very strong bond, I think, but that doesn’t came in existence before that morning. Sometime you are ignorant about the things which exist and realize it only when it goes away from you. That’s all with her.

Back to the morning 4th Feb, tears were fallowing from my eyes and its very very strange, after her departure , I left for Delhi and in the way I thought about it, how came tears come down from my eyes, I have not even cried even when I left my parents. I think of myself as a very sensitive person but not as an emotional fool (I say to people who cry).Some basic social concepts I realized in my back journey (that journey itself is a memory wroth of penning down).Relationship and it depth cannot be measured with logic, and tears are indicators of closeness, I don’t think so, it may indicate happiness (khushi ke aanshu) but that was not of happiness that I am sure. I am unable to understand it absolutely, but what I feel that, that was a sensitivity of emotion which flow in form of warm water from eyes which actually break the boundary of heart. Did I felt a lost, so that I cried? If I be honest I don’t feel so now, may be that moment or it may be also possible that every other one is crying and like a communicable dieses it came to me. But letter when I thought more, I felt that when she came to me with tears in her eyes calling my name, that time I felt unaided, and the state of helplessness reflected my weaker side in form of tears, at that moment I was not, that strong Vikas who takes everything head on, I confess I felt very fragile that time and tears are indicator of weakness. I hope in future, I never be weak again but want to remain sensitive. At last join me to wish my niece Annie a very happy, prosperous, cheerful, joyful and romantic and full of love married life……

Is it same Country ???

http://www.jagran.com/news/national-sp-leaders-nephew-graped-girl-in-banda-11017345.html I was thinking of writing something for last a month or so, but no topic inspire me much. But today I read something which simply shake me, fills me with real anger; I felt anger against government on so many occasions in last two years. Today’s news which finds a tiny place in middle of newspaper, not even on front page. In last few months I have seen some really great awareness about women, Tahlka case of Tarun Tejpal and most importantly case of verbal assault of sexual nature against retired justice Ganguly gives a feeling that we are living in a country which is highly aware and active about women rights and safety. This great feeling suddenly diminished when I read this news and it reflects the real face of brutality. In UP the nephew of a ruling party politician kidnapped a innocent adolescent girl from her own house and ganged raped her with his friends. As usual police is unable to register case, and when his father (a daily wage worker in nearby city) came and begged his own villagers few accompanied him to police station, opposition get active and finally a FIR is registered, but it’s too late. The guy has political backing plus he belongs to a secular community where is girl is from a fundamentalist community, this adds to the worry of that 13 year old innocent girl who probably don’t even know about sexuality in detail. This case put up a very strong and naked question in front of all and the question is ; Is it the same India which dares a retired supreme court judge and a very powerful media lobbyist ?or is there a different rule applied in UP?Which place is safer if not own house? During NIRBHAYA also I got angry but that anger was not so disturbing. At least I can see there are many supporting her. Top leaders coming to help her, some opportunistic even build their political ambition on her lost (later same has no reaction on rape of an foreign lady in same city), the accused are poor fellows on whom enforcing law is not a big deal for government. But I am feeling pain for this girl, she is so helpless, so week to protest, so unknown to be known and opponent is so powerful (infact all goondas and criminals are powerful in this government who call themselves socialist and his power multiplies if the goon belongs to a secular community, we have seen in MuzzafarNagar case which started with administrative malfunction). So again a very fundamental question rises; is our system so week? Do all policemen are corrupt and inefficient? The answer can’t be a complete “NO”. if it has been a complete No , this system could have been a complete mess but things are at least moving but the answer can’t be a YES also. Let us find what is there between this no and yes. Police is an efficient system, but when democracy emerges from a horde or public mob culture, public sentiments are high and system is at fault, this is the time some brainy people emerge and ride on this public emotion, sometime the same turn to riots. But when a political establishment emerges from It, it has people with no organization skill and more importantly public sentiments are against system so when the “emerges” ridicule system people that moment think its right and persuade it too. This lead to slowly diminishing of these institutions. Police is also a victim of this kind. When Bihar seen rise of its charismatic leader emergence from” JP ANDOLAN” they got carried away and that leader completely diminish all establish institutions like Police, State machinery co-operatives. Especially Police is most victimized. Another two leaders in UP emerge from Lohia’s socialism and kashiram’s mass moment. And UP police is most victimized one. Delhi has recently also seen one such political forming but fortunately Delhi Government does not have control over Delhi police. It’s a request form bottom of heart please read and raise voice against such things, whenever you get a platform. Let’s fight in our capacity for that little girl and against a so called socialist setup who celebrates power by paining innocent. Think about it.